Dean:

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(On the phone) Yeah, no, I’m with them now. Two of them. He’s done well for himself, yeah, but she’s not exactly first prize if you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna take ‘em round now. Half hour at most? Yeah, no worries, see you in a bit, lad. (To buyers)  Right, let's get started then, shall we? Lovely little property this, proper up-and-coming area. Lot of potential for growth and development. Lots of local schools for the little one. (Pause for response) You’re not pregnant? (Pause) Are you sure? (Pause) Alright, you’re the boss. Crime’s gone down a lot in the area lately, taken a massive drop to 630 reports per 1,000 people — only a bit above the national average of 117 — so great progress, I’m sure you’ll agree. Now, you’ll notice the front garden's a bit wild at the moment. Very modern, very aware, very eco-friendly. You’ll get all sorts: badgers, foxes, couple of rats. A whole eco-system of God’s creations, right? (Unlocks door, struggling slightly) Stiff lock, adds a sense of security. If we can’t get in, who can, you know? (Door opens) Here she is! Home, sweet home! In you come. Don’t be shy, I don’t bite, unless you ask nicely! (Wink and a laugh) Now, straight away you can feel it. That lovely atmosphere. That history. The smell of a property well lived-in for generations. Who knows who’s been here? Who’s lived here, who’s died here. We can only guess. (Pointing) Lovely big room through there if you were to knock that wall through, make it open-plan — that’s what the trend is now, isn’t it? Obviously you can’t cause it’s a rental, but it would be nice, wouldn’t it? Again: potential. There’s no limits to what you can dream. (Claps hands obnoxiously) Kitchen's through here. Only the fridge and the microwave missing, but I know a fella who can get you as many of those as you want, no hassle so I’ll write his number down for you, give him a bell, tell him Deano sent ya. (Points at the ceiling) And upstairs, two bedrooms! One master, a spare for the little one maybe? No, sorry I forgot, I just keep looking at you and thinking- you know what, never mind. You could just stick a table football table or something in there. Just be careful cause too much weight and that floor will cave in. Although, if you did want the kitchen to have a higher ceiling, that might be something to consider. Again, you can’t make structural changes so we would fine you for that. Then that’s it really. Bathroom has all the usual fittings — toilet, sink, shower, cold water. So, yeah. Done and done. Just need your names on the dotted line and we’re away!